I never signed up to change a dog or force them into being something they aren’t — I signed up to find out what makes them happy, and to be a bridge and advocate for the most unlikely adoption candidates. They’re as worthy as any normal dog; the outliers. My greatest friends and teachers.

I didn’t know why Blue was special needs when I adopted him, I just knew that he was, and that above all – he deserved a fair shake that was unlikely without a place like Crazy Town.

The deck was stacked against him in puppyhood. They called him mean and deemed him worthless when he was 4 months old. He grew up in a shelter.

I adopted Blue on the grounds his label was unfounded but likely to be perpetuated because of a whopper deficit in the nature/nurture ratio. When he needed a mom he got a label. He got lucky at the shelter where he was loved and nurtured and seen. Via Lori, I was introduced to this loose cannon, and I committed to Blue as Ani’s Orphans was being founded.

I’d just bust his label real quick, I guess is what I thought.

I felt like I could teach Blue enough to fit into a neighborhood and do all the suburban dog things, and then I could show the world all that he is by way of the story.

Keep him safe.

That’s what I thought I could give to Blue.

What I thought I was supposed to do and what I saw in the dog were at odds though. I asked the questions and did the experiments, but I had never known a dog quite like him. He was so different. Intense. Unsure. Comforted by me, took direction, easy to read, eager. But unsure of himself in his environment. He felt small outside, unsure of all the things we take for granted – wind, cars, precipitation.

But when I gave him a ball, he turned into a badass. He was born for the game. We founded our relationship on it; I used the balls to teach him how to play with me, to help him cope, they were a shortcut to the deficit that I had never been able to employ before — I could not get any other dog so focused. So dedicated to the work.

And Blue … just did it.

I was conflicted by expectation. Because of his love of the game. Because of his dedication, motivation, and intensity… because of how eager and quick he was to learn. I loved all those things about him. They intrigued me.

In public and with visitors they got us judged. Everyone foisted onto us their narrow view. And I fell victim to society’s expectations.

Together Blue and I entered abject failure.

He didn’t come without purpose, that Blue, and when I asked why I got this dog, I got but a hint: look in the mirror.

The fire that burns in Blue is the same fire that burns in me, and that notion pretty much sunk us – I’m no better at taming fire. Not my own; not Blue’s.

Maybe, like my own, his fire burns so hard it cannot be extinguished or put into a box.

On the outside it is judged; in some rooms it makes us a hero; in others we wear it as a label.

Me and Blue didn’t pick the flame… it picked us. It’s burned down to practically nothing and still comes back to life. I’ve begrudged it more than anything else about myself, and that’s why I begrudged it in Blue.

The thing is, I’ve learned how to make myself fit in and not be “too much” … but my god just put me out of my mystery and give me a job already. I’ll clean the toilets. I’ll fix your gravy. Let me cater the party with your refrigerator dregs. We all know I have a time limit on being normal and so does Blue.

So I was going to pilot Blue using a transparent approach I stole from my longtime buddy Jon – a story of the time we went to a comedy show to catch up. The first things he disclosed about his journey seemed to be exclusion criteria; everything about himself he offered so that it wouldn’t come up later as a surprise perhaps? Or that I might want to use as reasons to disqualify him from being worthy of a seat at my table. I don’t know. I loved the honesty.

I saw a fellow friend of the flame; a fighter; a person who was dealt a similar hand, who owned his story, and could work circles around me in the department of overcoming one’s self. I was inspired by him and still am to this day.

So much so, in fact, Jon’s “full disclosure” approach inspired my first pilot.

And it’ll be a fabulous pilot I know, but not for Blue, I concluded after a visit from my friend Al. He came to drop off some food and knowing he’d need no instruction to help with a test, so I set Blue up to do the behavior I knew he’d do, and then asked him to change jobs and go find his ball instead of worrying about Al. And he did.

My informal “mom test” got a point for seeing whether I could get Blue to go from 1 mode to another mode using his most favorite job.

What I didn’t expect is that Al would then watch Blue work and inside of pleasant conversation point out Blue’s TALENT!! He said things like, impressive, driven, intense, persistent and motivated – the source of Blue’s former labels. I got the fire that I love about him in the perspective of criteria — which Al used to select his last partner AKA police dog (who was a shelter dog, by the way.)

Bingo.

The paradigm shift.

Blue is not just a best boy; he is better than I am. His fire kept mine alive when it wanted to die out, and Al’s perspective changed mine.

All the things we did in failure; the things I taught in shame, all the times I said “I don’t know how to be your mom so just show me what lights your fire and let’s just put some rules on it to keep you safe;” — all the work we did that was FUN, innate and natural — for which we were judged and that I thought was “wrong” …….

…… well, it includes Blue for like 5 parts of the search and rescue dog qualification test.

What I called “coping skills” in the first pilot are criteria in Al’s world; Blue’s extremes are qualifiers for many jobs.

Some of us were born to work.

I HAD failed Blue, just not in the way I thought. I should have just been proud of him and listened only to him.

Blue got the right mom- just the wrong version. I’d be a hypocrite not to help him use his skills.

Much like Rio did with the babies, I think Blue has surreptitiously started our gifted program, and that calls on me to change ME into a mom who can recognize and promote TALENT when it comes shuffling off death row!!!

Blue could be the President one day, okay y’all.

Just kidding – I’d never do that to him.

Hey Al – thanks for the visit.