Short of that life changing, mind-blowing, masterful FoodE pork chop over 10 years ago, my most memorable culinary experiences were deemed failures in the eyes of the chefs who created them. They allegedly missed a mark.

Except, ironically, my dad’s hockey pucks – he passed those off as legit, and that’s why Joy Crump blew my mind when hers still had juice.

Mom’s first attempt at French onion soup — according to her — was a COMPLETE MISS. I still wish she kept the “failed recipe” … it was unforgettably good.

The only other rendition I’d had was at a boyfriends’ house and it was out of the can. Truly I think I tasted a hint of vomit in it. Very sketchy that stuff.

My mom’s fail was a redemption to my insulted palate; all my votes to the soup that didn’t taste like a hangover — whatever the label.

And Mrs. Luralee’s jelly cup – a story that remains unfinished as not up to par with the artist to which it speaks: Mrs. Luralee Cornwell who ironically deemed that jelly “lazy.”

Pffft.

Her lazy jelly ruined all other “perfect” jelly. Commercial jelly. All the jellies in the little fancy jars. Artisanal (artis-anal) jelly made in a factory. The little jellies at the diner even! None of ‘em can hold a candle to Mrs. Luralee’s self-proclaimed fail…. At least not for me.

That’s because she grew the grapes; nurtured the dirt in which the grapes were grown. She picked them and processed them and turned them into jelly. And after canning her bumper crop, instead of going downstairs for 1 more jar… she “copped out” and poured the remainder into a sippy cup — thus inventing “refrigerator jelly” which I have possibly just made up.

To her – laziness; to me, a solid reason to change my standard diner order going forward.

In the spirit of all my favorite meals, and my favorite fails, and all the people who loved me at their table, today I visited the CoOp and did what I love the best: winged it.

I picked out ingredients that called to me as the Iron Chef of Crazy Town come Dec 25… and on Christmas morning I’m going to see if I can ‘hit’ the jelly cup… the French onion disaster…. Or any one of my grandmother’s culinary follies and hope to create for the loonies food that translates as much love.

You can guess the menu all you want, but even Santa doesn’t know what’s gonna come outta the Crazy Town kitchen this year.

I’m so excited to find out what I’m gonna make!