Ode to the Stool
T'was a normal day in Crazy Town In the summer of 22 When I rushed to a playpen To photograph an epic poo. I could see it so clearly Though blurred in the sombra That my pupper had just shat A double entendre! The artist is uncertain, but Confirmed a panda twin Was it the work of one little Huck Or was it made by Finn? The stool so exquisite: Artwork on my floor It wasn’t just a perfect sh!t, but a solid metaphor! The heart he crapped: mended. Bleeding cured by styptsis. And then the grammarian Finished his art with... … a preceding ellipsis. Punctuation, is what he dolloped, A lead-up to the heart. It’s the PAUSE we offer underdogs So a better story can start! The underdogs, the labeled dogs The hurt and misunderstood. The babies, the biters, — surprise! They are all perfect; so very GOOD.
The Oh Shit Rapid Cleanup Kit
For anytime you say OHHHHHHHHHH SHITTTTTTTTT! Ani’s Orphans is there for you – in the thicket.
This invention you’ve not met yet and neither has the intended recipient from today.
Took Mona to the vet for a skin infection related to new onset itching. I did not expect the appointment to go very well because Mona is so fearful in the car and out in public. Also, I wanted to see if she’s in pain or should have more X-rays or what I should do to be the mom of this growing orthopedic wildcard. When she was a baby it was kind of hopeless as I understood; a wait and see kinda thing.
I didn’t have an inkling, and no one could have predicted what the year had in store for me or my Crazy Town, or what I’d have to sacrifice to see us through.
Buffering my own shame with humor, I packed my latest invention, a “Oh Shit! Rapid Cleanup kit” … that was festively adorned with curly ribbons.
In the parking lot I swung open the car door with a stressed Mona that I *hoped* but did not believe merely farted the whole trip.
Magically it wasn’t all on my pants; most of it went down the seat and into the controls.
Mona shook the rest of it off on the asphalt and I gathered all of our stuff from the car including the kit with the festive curly ribbon.
Mona shat all the way into the vet and we entered with a request for a quick decon before check in.
My little frilly invention sat on the floor as the receptionist offered me the trash can and Mona and I awkwardly waited for our appointment while the sidewalk and our car held the rest of the story.
In the room, on the floor with Mona, any lingering chance I had at formulating a defense or a modicum of an excuse—even a tiny vote for my own dignity — escaped me; it was left in piles in front of their building. I took it in stride.
….
Hopefully we’re done with the itchies after we clear up Mona’s skin, and if not we go back of course … but…… we also should have been doing PT.
I really should have known that…
It’s not that my frilly gift was retracted, it’s that by the end of that appointment I was not going to tell ANYONE we’d also shat all over their nice walk.
So in the dark, I loaded Mona into the car, threw all of my stuff on the seat, and with curly ribbon waving me on in solidarity, I nobly prepared THE invention that embodies 2023, and readied it for its first run in public.
In 1 swift motion (each) I slurped up Mona’s deposits onto the Ani’s Orphans collection device, bagged the whole unit, put in the back seat and was off the scene in 20 seconds flat, not even a skid mark left in our dust.
If that ain’t having your own back in the thicket, I don’t know what is. 
