FEBRUARY 23, 2019
It’s been a week since I cleaned up a poop, filled a water bowl or kissed a puppy head.
Today I took a rainy day nap and had a Farley / Mom dream. I had boarded him at the Fasmart (where it is totally a normal place to board dogs lol) and I walked all the way there with Farley under my arm (the way I used to carry him) to pay the bill, which I guess I didn’t pay when I got him back, I don’t know . They had done a horrible job and neglected my instructions, one of which was that the staff was supposed to take him home over night so he could sleep in their bed and not feel lonely with the other poor boarded dogs. They also (gasp) fed him regular fat food despite my having supplied his prescription low fat food. I didn’t miss a beat letting them have it and I was in the middle of chewing them out when I awoke.
Send help. I’m going through withdrawals.
FEBRUARY 28, 2019
I’m about to reaaaally “get my fix!”
This is Molina. She is very sweet and very pregnant! We are bonding and building trust in the whelping box listening to classical music while I rub her belly.
I will foster Molina and all her babies until they’re 6 weeks old. I am thrilled to share this experience with her and all the sudden I want cake.
MARCH 1, 2019 – Video Updates
MARCH 1, 2019
Here at the orphanage we aim to spoil. Despite being extremely uncomfortable, Molina says the bedside milkshake service is top notch.
MARCH 2, 2019: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, 11 LITTLE BABIES!
WE ARE IN LABOR!!! 3 babies so far and our basement is flooded so I am down an assistant and camera man.
MARCH 2, 2019: Birthday Videos
https://fb.watch/nKCVa6x16u/https://fb.watch/nKCWf7gLrR/
MARCH 2, 2019
After a really exciting day, the crazy has turned to calm. This could be the greatest joy I ever felt in my life. I’m just starting to process it. What an experience! Eleven precious babies; eleven future best friends; eleven little smoosh faces born today.
MARCH 2, 2019
All is calm. Some are nursing. Some are bathing under the heat lamp. Life is good when it’s your birthday.
PS I am just going to admit that I curled up by them and talked to Molina and cried and listened to the babies nurse.
MARCH 2, 2019 – Shared with Friends
In case you aren’t following my orphan page, my momma girl delivered ELEVEN baby dogs today. She was a rockstar!
Now that it’s all over and everyone is snuggled in a clean whelping box, I can think about my emotions. I am amazed; speechless at what I got to be part of today. I am pretty sure some new space opened up and my heart grew. What an honor.
I knew we’d be in the double digits!! They weigh less than a pound. Precious little lives.
MARCH 3, 2019
Everyone gained weight! Tomorrow I’m going to work on genders and names. I have not wanted to be intrusive or disrespectful to Molina, so decided these things can wait a few days.
https://www.facebook.com/AnisOrphans/videos/589949878082429/
MARCH 4, 2019
The precious babies are 3 days old today. Everyone has gained weight and several babies are in the “1 pound and over” club.
I have tallied up genders (4 boys, 7 girls!) and given them names. I went for comedy. Either comedians or people in my life who are funny.
MARCH 4, 2019
Here is your daily dose of cute. Lenny, named after my hilarious (and talented) friend who made my logo, is a REALLY good eater and so is his sister whose name I didn’t know when I was making the video lol.
Mama is still a total rockstar and today for one of her bonus “mommy meals” I cooked her a piece of sockeye salmon. She’s living high on the hog and I am loving getting to spoil her. She’s underweight as it is, so she gets to eat lots.
MARCH 4 VIDEO UPDATES
https://www.facebook.com/AnisOrphans/videos/752277325158183/
MARCH 5, 2019
Daniel got me nerded up with some data. I use it to determine who needs to eat more and then I go in and put them on the boob.
MARCH 5 VIDEO UPDATES
MARCH 6, 2019
Pickles snuggled up on Lenny this morning.
Lenny later was crying so I picked him up and held him and he was happy.
MARCH 7, 2019
I’m working with Molina on her confidence and trust in humans. Someone must have been mean to her which makes me both sad and angry. This is the first time she’s come all the way into the living room for some lovin’.
MARCH 8, 2019 – When it all went south.
I don’t know any other way of putting this than to say THE SHIT HIT THE FAN LAST NIGHT.
I was sitting in the living room nursing what I can only assume is my first toothache when I heard a strange noise in the puppy room.
I went in to find that Molina had begun growling and snapping at the babies. I got her out and gave her a break, didn’t work. Tried a million other things and those didn’t work either. I was terrified she was going to just rip a baby apart in front of my eyes. She is now separated from the babies. Throughout the night I would bring her in and just give her a couple babies at a time which worked for a while, but at our 530 feeding, she began the growling and snapping again and I got her out. I had to finish the feeding with formula.
Molina has an appointment with the SPCA vet at 2:45 and until then, I’m keeping her segregated for safety reasons. This means every 2-3 hours I have to syringe feed 11 babies who hate it. It is hard and it is sad because they just want their mommy and I’m not it.
I’m going to attempt to fit a dentist visit in today as I have had to keep ice water in my mouth to keep the pain at bay. Last night I broke down and took pain medicine for the first time in my life.
Wish me luck—I’m gonna need it. My nerves are shot.
MARCH 9, 2019
Just an update for everyone and please note that I am really tired and running on fumes so my writing might suck…
6 babies went into other foster homes today to try to take some pressure off of Molina so she can recover. The SPCA wants me to put her in once a day with the babies for a supervised (duh!) visit. I did so today once we were down to just 5 and she lasted less than 10 minutes before she started back with the growling. I just picked her up and hauled her out. I think today I have just accepted that I’m feeding these babies 24/7 and will not rely on her milk.
I have to say I think the special collar they gave us is helping her in general. She is more chill and is more quiet and calm when I leave her part of the house and go in with the puppies. I used to have to crate her when I went in with the puppies to prevent her from destroying the house which was loud and miserable for everyone.
I left with the babies today to give daniel a break and Molina was so depressed she wouldn’t eat or go outside. I just don’t get it! Is this a love hate relationship? I had a powwow with the fine folks at the SPCA today when I went to pick up more formula and syringes and we all think she’s a teen mom who just can’t deal. She may have postpartum depression.
She and I have been napping on the couch at night between feedings. She loves to snuggle. Last night I napped in the clothes and bra I had worn all day and I didn’t realize it until today when I went to shower.
It is a really special experience that I am grateful to get to have. Now for a nap before the next feeding session.
Thanks to all of you for your support and love and help.
Big love from the trenches.
MARCH 9, 2019
The babies painted my fingernails.
With poop.
MARCH 10, 2019
Update from the trenches. We had another rough night and Molina wouldn’t settle. She laid on top of me and panted and licked my robe. I barely slept again. I have now lost count of how long it’s been since I slept a whole night. It is taking its toll on me.
This morning I had to do something really hard and ask the SPCA to help me with her. I cannot devote the time she needs while feeding 5 babies round the clock and working. I haven’t eaten an actual meal in 4 days. She’s leaking all over the furniture, peeing everywhere and needs attention that I just can’t give her. I have to make the babies a priority — they will die if I don’t.
The SPCA thinks she may need time away from babies altogether and said to bring her to the shelter today. While I am relieved, I am also heartbroken and stricken with guilt. I never give up and that is what it feels like I’m doing. On the other hand, this situation is extremely unique and not at all what I signed on for. I am running 2 separate foster homes and it is just plain impossible. We all have a breaking point and I guess I have reached mine. I tearfully asked the universe to send her the loving people she needs and to give her a good life and positive outcome. She was abandoned before she came to me so she needs extra care — something I am unable to provide at this time.
Please join me in wishing her well. I love her to death and she’s a great dog. I wish I could give her what she needs. I wish I could be more. I told her how sorry I am.
MARCH 10, 2019
I was just talking with the head guy at the SPCA he said they’ve never had this situation before. Leave it to me to be the one to get it. He said it’s not my fault, which I appreciate, but I have a tendency to always think things are my fault.
They’ve got a new foster lined up to take 2 puppies so I’ll be down to 3. They don’t like us to have more than 3 at a time that are being hand fed as they think more than 3 is too much. I’d do anything for them. It feels like I failed them all. I’m glad I’ll get to keep 3 and watch them grow. It has been a magical and sentimental experience that I cannot express in words.
Sorry for the emotions. I just have to let them out so I can move along.
A little humor to lighten things up and let y’all know I’m still me…
Pickles was SHAT UPON!
MARCH 11, 2019
Things are looking a little different today after I got a combined few hours of sleep.
It was the right thing to do to let Molina go. She is doing well and going to go into a foster home where she can get 100% attention. That will be good for her and her future. I tried hard to keep her here both for her and her puppies. The babies were so content when she was with them (and not trying to eat them) and I felt heartless for taking a mother away from her babies. I don’t know that she cared as much as I, though I’ll never know.
I guess the bottom line is this didn’t go at all according to the plan. When I was considering taking on this foster, everyone said, “it’s easy! Mom does all the work for the first few weeks!”
I knew better. I knew better because of Farley. I knew better because of Belle. I knew better because of the ringworm babies. I knew better because of Parvo. I just always get the curveballs.
Even anticipating the curveballs didn’t help me in this instance. I predicted there would be a complication during delivery, so I over prepared and over studied for that. I learned what could go wrong and what to do about it. I nurtured a relationship and built trust with Molina, spending 2 uncomfortable nights in the whelping box offering her reassurance and support. I wanted her to know that when the time came, she and I were in this together and I would see her through. I gave her massages and played music. I brought homemade food to her in the box. I spoiled her as best as I could. When she delivered, I tried to remain hands off and respectful, but couldn’t help suctioning a few gurgley airways and moving brand new babies out of harms way. I rotated babies on the nipple to make sure they were suckling.
So all 11 babies came out breathing and my first worry was that #’s 10 and 11 weren’t suckling well. I rushed out and got formula and bottles so I’d be ready to step in. They didn’t need it. I overreacted and over protected as always.
The birth phase ended and 11 new lives began. I laid in the whelping box, now at the bottom away from Molina who didn’t need me like she did just 12 hours before. She was the mom now and she had work to do. I was in awe about her performance. She delivered and cared for all 11 babies and knew exactly what to do. I saw miracles that day, and as I laid there feeling out of sorts and somewhat superfluous, I watched and listened to the brand new tiny lives nurse and I cried.
I didn’t worry very much because everyone was right — she was indeed doing everything. I occasionally had to step in and untangle a crying baby from a blanket, but that was it. I monitored them and weighed them and all was well. My part was minuscule. So I focused all my attention on Molina and cooked her special meals and fed her treats and tried to nurture her so that she could nourish the babies. We had special “big girl” time where she’d leave the box and I’d love and dote on her. I’d feed her peanut butter in the box to show her my appreciation for being such a rockstar of a mom. She drank homemade chicken broth and even loved it served frozen when the babies made her too hot.
So when I heard that weird noise that day and came in to find her growling and snapping at the babies, my heart raced and sunk into my belly. I heard the babies squeal and it just about did me in. I knew I had to protect them at all costs, and I guess that is what I’m doing: protecting them at all costs. The costs were losing their now aggressive mom (after trying everything to make things right) and being split from their siblings. That’s what made me the most sad about the situation — they all had to be split up and the vision I had of watching 11 puppy siblings grow up together in my house was officially ruined, and I felt like I somehow let everyone down.
I feel less that way today. Maybe because I’m too busy feeding 3 precious babies that I love more than words. The weight of this responsibility is heavy but special. I am learning about them and observing them and figuring things out as I go. It only takes 11 puppies to really get good at syringe feeding. Today Ellen, who is usually voracious, wasn’t eating well or with as much vigor. Immediately my anxiety decided she was sick and dying. But then I thought “wait, maybe she just needs to poop.” So I made her poop, right in my lap, and she’s back to eating with her usual enthusiasm.
I tried switching them all over to the bottle as it’s far more convenient for me, but they all aspirated and I said forget it. I think I am experiencing the worry of a new mom. I am constantly watching them and thinking about them, and it’s hard to do anything else.
So, although this isn’t at all the curveball I anticipated or even studied for, I am going to do my damndest to knock this one out of the park. I don’t care if I never eat or never sleep or never take a shower. They are my #1 priority until they can eat and pee and shit on their own. I’m the mama bear now and wow is it scary!
PS Now I know why people bring food when it’s crisis time. Big thanks to Mom and Molly for taking care of me while I take care of them!
And a huge thank you for all of the kind comments and words of encouragement, the offers to help, the help, the messages…all of it. You have all shown me how loved I am, and I appreciate you more than you know.
MARCH 12, 2019
We are officially on the bottle! Never was I so excited about a shipment of nipples!
We’ve come a long way in just 5 days. I had to learn to syringe feed on the fly, on 11 puppies, and with a humdinger of a toothache. In hindsight, I can’t believe I did it and they all lived. They don’t just magically “take” to hand feeding. It is an act of patience and trial and error, and for Pickles it is the art of “cracking the code” lol. A big ol’ whopping thank you to Gail who just said “I’m coming over!” and got in her car Friday morning after seeing my exhausted post and staying all day with me syringe feeding babies and babysitting while I took Molina to the vet. Gail, you saved me. You saved us. We love you.
I stand to get almost 2 hours of sleep thanks to this new expedited method of feeding. And getting in bed…..now!
MARCH 12, 2023
We’re all at work with the mom today. I’m doing some serious juggling!
When we first got here 2 babies were crying for me so I put them in the swaddle and kept going. Eventually it became impossible to work with the swaddle as I have to squat instead of bend when I wear it, and although I do take great pride in the fact I can hover for the entire duration of a pee in a public toilet, my legs just aren’t built to squat THIS much.
So I put everyone together in their basket and gave them my shirt for smells leaving me wearing just a tank top, which is fine.. Except I realized I haven’t shaved my armpits or even thought of them since this all started as my rapid fire shower sessions only include washing the bare essentials and getting the hell out.
I find myself waving hello bending at just the elbow, arms drawn in tight like a nutcracker.
The work is getting done and the babies are getting fed. I continue to spin plates with a happy and grateful heart.
MARCH 14 VIDEO UPDATES
MARCH 15, 2019
I found out this morning that one of my other babies, Phoebe, died last night. They think she aspirated—the ongoing source of my anxiety since I started hand feeding.
The babies are still so fragile.
Phoebe was being fostered by an experienced bottle feeder, so it just goes to show it can happen to anyone. My heart aches for her.
Ellen and Lenny have had absolutely no trouble eating so far, but Pickles has been a challenge. He either chokes or develops raspy breathing while he’s drinking —both things that pull the cords of the alarm bells in my anxious mind. I have tried syringes versus bottles, every nipple available to us, various different cuts, (you have to make your own nipple holes – LAWD it is hard to get it perfect) different positioning, taking breaks during feeding to let him swallow and settle, and holding him upright for a while and patting his back after feedings. My stethoscope is far too big, but I can hear lung sounds and he’s been able to keep them clear.
Early this morning I decided I was going to try one more thing when the sun came up. I was at PetSmart at opening and I got more bottles and nipples. Instead of doing what the experts say, I lit a metal cake tester on fire and used it to burn a hole in the nipple, then I did a teeeeeny tiny cut to open it just a little more. If the hole is too small, Pickles gets annoyed and gives up. It has to be big enough to keep him interested, but small enough that he can’t get too much at once.
Well, he had his best feeding yet. No gurgling, no coughing, so I am hopeful once again. He’s a wildcard, so I’m being cautious with my excitement. I am just relieved…for now.
They’re all starting to try to walk and Lenny’s eyes are close to opening all the way. He made eye contact with me through a tiny squint during feeding this morning and I smiled at him.
I love you, little babies. I love you more than you could ever know.
MARCH 18, 2019
Well if you’re wondering what I’ve been up to in the 2 days I haven’t posted, here is a list:
– Taking care of my babies
– Worrying about Pickles
– Sleeping whenever possible
– Worrying about Pickles
– Doing research on Pickles
– Thinking of solutions for Pickles
The nipple I melted a hole in was only temporarily successful. He went back to gurgley respirations after eating no matter what I did. I considered colic so I started burping him. Didn’t work.
So last night I thought “why am I reinventing the wheel?” I was at Walmart early this morning in the very foreign to me baby department where I got him an anti-colic bottle and newborn nipples. It worked. Hallelujah…for now. Cross your fingers because this is my last idea!
All babies’ eyes are just about open, so pics of those coming soon!
MARCH 19, 2019
Today’s problem child: Ellen.
Ellen has recently discovered her deep, abiding love for incessantly licking her brothers’ wieners.
For those of you who don’t know, doing so stimulates them to urinate.
While this is somewhat convenient for me, (she’s saving me a job) I would much prefer that she knock it the hell off.
I don’t know if she’s drinking the urine, but she’s not been wanting to eat as much as usual, so I suspect some might have been ingested. She had to be separated from the boys all day at work and as soon as I put her back in so we could go home, she made a beeline for Lenny’s crotch.
She is covered in urine, and wet puppies are cold and shivery, so now she’s on my chest, wrapped in a blankie drying out and warming up….because she just can’t stop. Tonight I’m going to separate her so the boys can sleep.
Sheesh.
MARCH 20, 2022
Wiener jail is working out. Ellen is back to eating well and made good gains between today and yesterday! I decided I was being a bitch foster mom and let her out for a few and she literally went straight for Pickles’s junk.
This little video makes me laugh because Pickles has discovered the wiener (not as passionately as Ellen) and I feel like they’re talking to each other through the “bars” and comparing notes on just how much wiener licking gets you locked up.
I also know Ellen and think she’s trying to get a drink from the inside.
MARCH 21, 2019
Oh Lenny. I love you so.
Lenny is over 3 pounds, eats, poops and sleeps. He likes to walk around and see what’s on the railing of the whelping box. He has so far not made my problem child list….but just give him time! That face is too sweet not to get in trouble.
MARCH 21, 2019 – VIDEO UPDATE PICKLES
March 21, 2019
The babies are piloting a delightful new game they like to play on the way home from work when I’m feeling the most tired.
Here are what seem to be the rules of the game:
1. Save up poops all day. Don’t poop when the mom stimulates us at feeding time.
2. Hold them in so long, Mom worries we’re constipated.
3. When we are approximately 1/2 way home, let ‘er rip in the car.
4. Lay in it, roll in it, get it everywhere — the towels, the blankets, the sides of the basket, and, most importantly, all over your person.
5. Take a nap and see how long it takes for the mom to smell it.
6. Repeat after every work day when the mom is exhausted.
*As I was cleaning poop off the boy’s wieners, I did consider that perhaps it would be a deterrent for Ellen, but then thought, “nope, it’ll just make her sick.”
I’m sparing you photographic evidence of the crime scene and instead posting a few cute pics from today.
Ellen has to ride in my lap and she gets her own basket at work.
MARCH 23, 2019
Thank you Daniel for taking the 12am feeding shift so I could sleep “a double.”
The only problem: I was on fire with cleaning and laundry and bleaching the outside of the washer as my anxiety determined there could still be Parvo lurking on it. NOT anymore!
I got to sleep from 11-4 which is still magnificent!
MARCH 23, 2019
My precious babies are 3 weeks old today. Time has both flown by and stood still. They’re gaining weight and growing by the day. They’re walking around and making noises and starting to be little dogs.
They have taught me a lot about myself in this short but long time. I have kept them alive for the majority of their little lives. I have worried over them and lost sleep wondering if they were okay. They consume my thoughts, and I don’t like being away from them.
I think Farley Eugene would be proud of his mommy. After all, he is who groomed me for this role.
Behind the scenes: As I was in the box taking these pictures, I kept saying “I smell poop” but didn’t see any. Turns out, I was sitting in it.
MARCH 23: VIDEO UPDATE
MARCH 24, 2019
Wiener guard v. 2.0 showing more promise, but the mom knitted it just slightly too big. Folded over it’s not big enough. It’s in the dryer to see if I can shrink it.
Yes, it’s pink. Dumbass over here thought pink would match Ellen’s pretty brown fur and after I started knitting I realized that Ellen is both the offender and that this idea won’t work on a vagina.
Look at Lenny – he LOVES it! lol
MARCH 24, 2019
MARCH 25 VIDEO UPDATE
MARCH 25, 2019
Lenny can wiggle out of the wiener deterrent skirt pretty quickly so…
Attempt #3 is a binkie and is also a fail as she prefers “the real deal.” It works for a few minutes and then we are back to wieners.
MARCH 26, 2019
Sweet narcoleptic Ellen. She falls asleep anywhere! (I woke her up for the pic)
MARCH 26, 2019 – LEARNING TO LAP
MARCH 28, 2019
Contrary to what this video would have you believe, we had our most successful lapping attempt tonight! Lenny was #1 and the others followed suit. My legs got covered in formula and then everyone had a bottle.
No video evidence from the successes as my camera man is asleep on the couch.
https://www.facebook.com/reel/432869877519549
MARCH 29, 2019
We had our first meal that wasn’t from a bottle today! Bittersweet. My babies are growing up.
https://www.facebook.com/AnisOrphans/videos/2017730738529471/
MARCH 30, 2023
Lenny and Ellen are slaying the gruel. Pickles….hims still wants the mom. He will eat as long as it’s off my finger, but says please just get me a bottle. This was at 5am.
Happy 4 weeks to my babies! Seems like just yesterday I was sleeping in the box with Molina. Then again, it feels like they’ve been my babies forever. My body has gotten used to all the wake ups and the worry that comes with the weight of taking care of tiny lives. I love them beyond measure.
We’ve put away the whelping box and they’re in the playpen now. My wish to the universe is that they get long, happy lives FULL of nothing but love and adoration.
MARCH 30, 2019
This morning she pooped on the wall, and now, for her next trick, Ewwen is pooping directly onto a raindrop toy that Shalan gave us. What can I say – the girl’s got talent!
MARCH 30, 2019
Precious Lenny trying out the new big bed!
APRIL 1, 2019
The babies got their first vaccines and second dewormer yesterday, so the poops are looking interesting at our house! Everybody got out of the playpen today and went exploring! Weaning is going well. Today I made gruel with dry food and water and they loved it. This morning Pickles was crying and crying so I gave him a bottle. Hims needs a little extra mom time and that’s okay. He’s been marching to the beat of a different drummer since birth.
Being their foster mom has been the experience of a lifetime. I love love love dem!
APRIL 1, 2019
Let the babies out to explore while I start dinner. The boys wore themselves out and fell asleep, and my girl came to the kitchen and cried for me. I picked her up and now she’s asleep. I’m rocking her by the island and also not cooking.
They might be growing up, but they still need their mommy.
APRIL 2, 2019
Going to work alone for the first time in 3 weeks. This is what I left behind.
I’m only at the gas station and I’m ready to turn around.
APRIL 2, 2019
Huge thanks to the fine people at the Spotsylvania Sheriff’s Office for letting us visit, and for taking time out of your day to give my puppies SO MANY positive experiences. The babies got SO MUCH LOVE, and they reciprocated! They hammed it up and nobody pooped on their floor! We even saw Doug!!!
I didn’t get permission to post all the adorable pics and video I took, so I’ll just put a few safe ones here.
Thank you, Leonard, for the invite and for being the best puppy advocate and tour guide ever! One thing’s for certain: it never gets old to watch tiny dogs bring big, tough, burly men literally to their bellies.
This mama has an awfully full heart today.
APRIL 2, 2019
Well, it was hard to leave my babies and go to work this morning. I knew they’d be fine because I gradually extended their feeding intervals to 6 hours and they’re doing well on that schedule. I knew they’d be fine because I did a few short test runs where I’d go on errands and leave them, and the world didn’t stop spinning. Well, at least not for everyone else.
When I first started feeding them, it was hard.
It was hard because I was forcing them to eat from a device that is not natural to them and I had to teach them that this is how we eat now. It took time and patience and I was bloody exhausted from 4 emotional days without sleep and trying to help Molina. It was hard to stay awake. It was hard to wake up every hour. Pickles was hard. I dreaded feeding him because of his airway/swallowing reflex issue. I sat up so many nights with him, anxious as all hell, because I was so worried he was going to aspirate and die. It was hard to know what to do, so I just kept trying. After listening to his wet respirations, I eventually said to myself, I will feed him one drop at a time if that’s what it takes.
And then I had to go back to work— syringes, mixing containers, formula, week-old puppies, blankies, heating pads and all. It took forever to get ready to go and pack the car, and then we’d get to work and I’d clock out to take care of them, clock in and work, clock back out and feed them, etc. The first week I didn’t cook at all. I cannot possibly put into words how exhausted I was. My mom made me salads and I took them to work. You have no idea how much that saved my ass. That first week I remember thinking, “okay, just get through the work week and it’ll get easier.”
Eventually they started suckling and we transitioned to bottles. It got easier. Sorta. Pickles, still being difficult, couldn’t take even the tiniest hole I could make in the dog bottle nipples. SO MANY MOM FAILS! But he was suckling and he wanted to eat, so I tried the anti-colic Cadillac baby bottles with newborn nipples and only let him suck a little at a time, and I burped him. It worked. He still had a little trouble but I was able to listen to his lungs and stop him as soon as they got gurgly.
So the following 2 work weeks were slightly easier, but not by much. I just kept trudging along because my babies taught me that sometimes life throws you a gigantic curveball, and you can either try your damndest to hit it, or walk off the field. I chose the former. I resolved to do whatever I had to do to take care of my babies, and when I made that resolution I had no idea what that would entail lol.
Now we are 4 weeks old. Gradually things have gotten much easier. The babies are weaning, Pickles is no longer causing me severe palpitations, and I’m learning how to be a mom in this next FUN stage of their lives.
As I left for work today with only myself and my lunch, I didn’t feel nearly the relief I thought I would feel 3 weeks ago. And at work, it wasn’t all that amazing to be able to focus. I still thought about them obsessively. I guess I adapted and adjusted to the total craziness that is bottle feeding and raising baby dogs.
I thought that once they were old enough to leave alone, I’d stop worrying. I thought that would be a relief. Nope and nope. I will never stop worrying about them, and I worry more when they’re not with me.
I guess the moral of the story is that when something really difficult and really stressful hits you in the face, it is easy to find it impossible and want it to be over. But what I didn’t know is that I could adapt, I could hit the ball. But most importantly, I got the most incredibly special experience of my life bonding with those babies, feeding them their every meal, milliliter by milliliter, and watching them learn who I am.
I took them to work. I took them everywhere. I took bottles everywhere. I warmed up formula in lots of random places, and I fed them in parking lots, peoples’ homes and places of business. I got used to them needing me so much.
And then today…poof…that phase was all over. It felt too easy to feed them, have play time and leave. And it just wasn’t that exciting. I left the house and I missed my babies who don’t need me like they used to. They’re growing up. I think I actually kind of hate it. Sorta.
APRIL 2, 2019
Huge thanks to the fine people at the Spotsylvania Sheriff’s Office for letting us visit, and for taking time out of your day to give my puppies SO MANY positive experiences. The babies got SO MUCH LOVE, and they reciprocated! They hammed it up and nobody pooped on their floor! We even saw Doug!!!
I didn’t get permission to post all the adorable pics and video I took, so I’ll just put a few safe ones here.
Thank you, Leonard, for the invite and for being the best puppy advocate and tour guide ever! One thing’s for certain: it never gets old to watch tiny dogs bring big, tough, burly men literally to their bellies.
This mama has an awfully full heart today.
APRIL 3, 2019
Apropos that the day I meet Sheriff Roger Harris is also the day I find myself having to commit a crime.
It all started this morning when, in a twist of irony, I suspected little Ellen was developing a UTI. She was having trouble emptying her bladder and could only pee tiny amounts at a time. She kept trying, but only going a little. Because of all the genital sucking going on in this house (AMONGST THE PUPS!) I decided to err on the side of caution and request a vet appointment. I got one and I dropped her off on my way to work and I gave the staff my report. I took the mixings for her gruel with me in my lunchbox and planned to take lunch to her at feeding time if she wasn’t already done by then (the SPCA doesn’t stock our food and I didn’t want her to get the squirts from eating something she’s not used to. Plus I wanted to check on her but shh, that’s between us.)
About an hour before I would have left work I got a message from our caseworker saying that Ellen had been seen and I quote “Jones thinks someone was suckling her vulva . ” I laughed and said “YES! That’s what I told them and why I’m concerned about a UTI.” She doesn’t need meds, which is great except I’m once again proving myself to be an overprotective mom, but her junk is swollen due to too much suckling. You just can’t make this stuff up.
So I leave to pick her up, but had to meet Leonard to deliver something to him. I said we just needed to meet somewhere with a microwave so I could make Ellen’s lunch. He invited me to the Sheriff’s office as everyone was asking when we would be back. Surprise, it was today! In we go and everyone was asking “where’s Pickles? Where’s Lenny?” And I had to tell them all that Ellen was flying solo today due to an overprotective mother and a swollen vag.
Leonard got her out of the car and guarded her like he was her dad, and I followed along with all the puppy paraphernalia. Everyone wanted to hold her and he said “no, she needs to eat!”
So the line for lovin’ started outside the break room where Ellen, the queen, was eating. I overheard people saying “where’s the puppy?! I heard Ellen is here!”
We made our rounds and ended up with the Captain who is a total animal lover and she says we MUST take Ellen to meet the Sheriff. Apparently he knew we were coming and asked his staff to pull him out of his meeting to meet her! Wow!
I swear, y’all, I was on my best behavior, and it was he who brought up the genital licking ordeal, not I, as he proceeded to tell me he knows all about me and my babies, and has been following my posts and loves what I am doing! I am confident I turned completely red. I learned that in 2011 (before he was elected) there were over 2000 euthanizations in Spotsylvania County. In 2012, when there was literally a new Sheriff in town, he made it so that the only way they can euthanize animals is by court order or by a vet deeming them too sick to thrive. I gave him a high five!
We left and after calling my mom to tell her I’m famous and she should be proud of me, I committed my crime. Actually WE committed our crime. I had an accomplice.
I remembered seeing puppy diapers at Walmart and decided they’re my last hope for stopping the genital sucking once and for all. But I had this tiny problem which is that Ellen was with me and I didn’t want to leave her in the car. I also didn’t have my swaddle, so I unpacked my bag of puppy stuff and put her in it, and yes, I, Ani Cannon, took a dog in Walmart. Guilty as charged. It was going along fine until she decided to start crying in the dog section and then began poking her head out to look around as I was hurriedly getting us to the checkout. You can’t BUY a vacant aisle in Walmart to readjust the puppy you’ve smuggled in!
I set the record for fastest self checkout, and we are home now. Ellen has squirmed out of 2 diapers already. I haven’t even tried the wraps I bought for the boys yet. I have an idea about how I’m going to resolve this, but I think I’ll save that for another post. It will be ghetto fabulous.
So, I met Sheriff Harris and then committed a crime today. But, this should come as no shock to him because as he said, he’s got his eye on me. Well, too bad I did it in a different jurisdiction!
Sheriff, it was a pleasure meeting you and talking with you today. Thanks for what you are doing for the community and for how much you care about animals! And thanks for giving me one of the greatest compliments of my whole life and making me blush in your office.
APRIL 4, 2019
The Battle of the Vulv continues.
I failed so many times last night and was so tired, I put Ellen to bed in Farley’s house after they all fell asleep from playing. Literally put her to bed. One does not just put awake Ellen into a kennel. You must rock her to sleep first and then lay her down. That is what I learned at 3am.
In the 6:00 hour, everyone but the mom was READY FOR PLAYTIME! I got all the babies up and went to make my tea, and when I returned, we played Easter. Instead of eggs, the babies hide little turds around the playroom and I go and find them. A “golden egg” is one that has not been stepped in and stamped across the floor. Definitely would rather be playing this around 8am, but hey, a fun game is a fun game no matter the time.
Next I’m looking to modify maybe a newborn onesie. Until I come up with a more solid solution, I can’t leave her in with the boys while I’m gone. She’ll never heal.
I’ve lost count of the attempts, but who cares. Good morning, everyone. Please enjoy some photographic evidence of my failures.
APRIL 4, 2019
The babies’ first grass naps. Ahhhh.
APRIL 5, 2019
Farley groomed me to be a dog mom, but my own mommy set the standard on how to love your children.
When my brother and I were kids and we got sick, we had a “party” in the living room. Mom made us a special bed on the couch, we watched Winnie The Pooh and Tigger Too, and Mom slept there with us. The living room was no better a place to sleep than the bed, but I suspect my mom started this ritual because it was a grand show of love and care, and she could better monitor us from the same room. It made the sick kid feel cared about and special.
When I was in my 20’s and had moved back home, I had a really terrible drug interaction and was SO SICK. Without missing a beat, Mom set up shop and slept with me in the living room, and Dad hooked up the VCR so we could watch the ol’ trusty video tape. It was a source of comfort and familiarity during a really horrible time.
Whenever things get rough in my life, my mom will say, “do you need to come over and watch Winnie?” Sometimes you just need your mom. She’s the only one who knows the ritual.
So last night I sorta took a page out of Barb Cannon’s book. Ellen really doesn’t like to sleep alone, and I thought it was unfair that she should have to. I didn’t want to leave her in a onesie all night either, so I just put her in bed with me. She was asleep and snoring so fast.
Even though I did this because I’m trying to give her vulva and break and let the swelling go down, I think it’s a good practice for each baby to get special time with me (you have no idea how much I obsess about loving them all equally and in the way they need me to.) I’m going to rotate the puppies so everyone gets a turn to feel special and to sleep with the momma. Ellen slept all the way until 6am, the time we have been having breakfast.
Human or canine, everyone needs to feel loved and cared about and special.
Thanks, Mom, for the lesson.
APRIL 5, 2019
Eating is going well. Wading in the bowl is going even better!
APRIL 6, 2019
Took the pups to their first little party today and they had SO MUCH FUN zooming around the deck! They met new people, a big dog, (Leroy) and some sweeeet kids!! They heard guitars and banjos and had naps outside.
The mom stands a chance at getting some sleep tonight!
Took the pups to their first little party today and they had SO MUCH FUN zooming around the deck! They met new people, a big dog, (Leroy) and some sweeeet kids!! They heard guitars and banjos and had naps outside.
The mom stands a chance at getting some sleep tonight!
APRIL 7, 2019
This guy and his family live on the hill behind my parents’ house, and he’s been popping his head over the fence to say hi since he was a wee little child. He loves to talk to my dad and they have entire conversations this way. One time the family chicken hopped the fence and my dad helped them catch her.
When he popped up yesterday with his usual exuberant “hi, Pete!” and Dad told him there were puppies, he quickly disappeared and then he reappeared with his brother as they climbed the fence and ran down the hill, just as my brother and I used to do when we played up there.
I am leaving his name out because I didn’t ask permission to post about him, but let me just say that this little guy astounded me with his huge heart and his ability to love. It’s just in his nature. He was kind and gentle and he wanted to know the puppies’ names. My mom was going to “trade puppies” with him and he said “how about if I just hold both?!” Leroy (who is used to getting all the attention) would walk by him and without even thinking about it, the boy pet him too. He’s a natural and his parents are doing a bang up job raising this sweet kid. He loves every animal he’s ever encountered, which, by his stories of experience, has been many.
Once again, my heart explodes.
APRIL 7, 2019
Babies on a wamp. They’re all over the place now that they’ve learned this new skill!
Please pardon the dirty “upholstery.” Someone stepped in a poop and stamped it down the ramp. Few “golden eggs” today.
APRIL 7, 2019
This just in: Molina was adopted! I have never received more joyful news in my life. Good luck, Molina! I’ll love you forever and ever. Thank you for giving us all these precious babies.
It’s Molina’s turn to get the life she so deserves. It’s her turn to be a carefree young dog.
DAY MADE!
APRIL 9, 2019
The babies attended their very first surprise birthday party today… at the Sheriff’s Office (they want us to move in .)
Dare I say they were the most festive revelers?!
One very clever person used Pickles to deliver a note to the boss asking for more 40 cal ammo (I hope I got that right.)
The babies are getting to be so comfortable and confident around people and they really put on a show today! They ran around (Ellen showed off her bunny hops) and played with toys and climbed in peoples’ laps. I saw so many smiles and heard so much laughter. It makes my heart sing. A win for everyone.
APRIL 9, 2019
One of the delightful aspects of rearing baby dogs is the smells they make.
For several days the playroom has smelled like old urine to me, despite being swept and mopped frequently (waaaaay more frequently than the rest of the house.)
I ”hands-and-knees” sniffed everything and couldn’t locate the source.
So tonight I went batshit OCD about it. I put everything washable in the washer; put the trash cans outside; picked up every toy and bowl and puppy pad that was on the floor and swept, subsequently determining the babies are used to the vacuum cleaner, and then I mixed up a solution of the following:
Baking soda
Hydrogen peroxide
Vinegar
A little dish soap
Water. Not that much.
Put the mop in there and scrubbed the floors. Pickles and Lenny thought it was the most fun game ever!
Well ahhhhhhh, it seems to be effective, so to anyone who needs this info: you’re welcome and you can pay me back in tacos or dog toys.
The babies slept on the towel I keep by the bedroom door and, immediately after my victory, came out and peed all over my perfect floor.
Life with babies! I love it!
APRIL 9, 2019 – “Mother Duck” video
APRIL 10, 2019
Little Lenny is the first to figure out the stairs and he couldn’t be less proud about it.
APRIL 11, 2019
We visited the hospital’s IS department today. It was “Epic!” (That was a joke for the IS people.)
Since we were so close to REMS, we paid them an unexpected visit, too!
The dog people come out of the woodwork to love a puppy, and I’m honored to be the talent manager, chauffeur, and, of course, their mommy for now.
Thanks to everyone who has contributed to my babies’ confidence and trust in humans. Every time I bring them out, they are more and more social (and FUNNY!) If I have anything to say about it, they will never in their lives know a bad person. So far they’ve met a TON of good ones.
APRIL 11, 2019
Milestone Announcements:
The Piddle was the first to brave the living room AND poop in it on the very same visit this morning.
Ewwen can clear the kitchen step without using the ramp, leaving the emasculated boys whining in her dust.
Wittle Wen can speed up the making of breakfast using just his voice. I know all moms think their babies are special, but mine really are. They’re ahhhmazing!
APRIL 11, 2019
We all know “who’s hungry?”
But only Lenny can read my mind and get up from a deep sleep, follow me into the kitchen, pee, and then supervise the meal prep.
That’s why he’s not in the video. https://fb.watch/nKKhv953FC/
APRIL 11, 2019
Pickles discovers the pickle buckets and the pickle fridge.
The mom had to do some splaining…
APRIL 12, 2019
I thought Lenny was just telling me to get up and feed him, but it turns out he was being a tattletale.
Gordon, did you teach your boy these escape tactics?!
Good morning from Crazy Town!
APRIL 12, 2019
Julia sure was a hit with the babies! They climbed all over her and showed her that they’re teething, lol.
Julia is my amazing little friend whom I love dearly. She’s a miniature version of myself, although she’s not so mini anymore. All my babies keep growing up on me!
When she was just a tiny little tot, she would come to the garden to learn about plants and eat tomatoes right off the vine. Today she ate a tomato off the counter for old times’ sake.
Stellar girl; exceptional animal lover!
APRIL 12, 2019
People often ask me whether it’s easier to be the mom now that the babies are older.
Yes and no.
My cleaning ritual is far more difficult to accomplish. Before I could even mix up my urine destroyer this morning, Ellen was pooping in the living room, Pickles was peeing in the hall, and Lenny was trying to “help me.”
Clean that up, bring in the bucket, and we ALL need to see what’s in it.
Start mopping and we ALL need to play chase the mop.
Turn my back for one second and Lenny decides to go for a swim in the bucket.
Get Lenny and put him in the sink to rinse him off and there’s one puppy in this house that definitely DOES NOT stink.
The floor is still incomplete and I’ve been at it over an hour.
And some people wonder why I named them after comedians! Good morning from Crazy Town!
APRIL 12, 2019
Buy them toys all you want, but what do they care about most?
A paper towel roll, a water bottle, and my bra.
APRIL 12, 2019
Welp, on the eve of the day my babies turn 6 weeks old, I am finding myself EMOTIONAL AF. I wrote something. I don’t know what to call it. It’s for my babies. It’s my feelings.
I loved your mom as much as I could.
We didn’t have much time.
The humans before me weren’t good to her.
She was insecure and timid.
She needed me.
I slept in your bed before you were born.
I rubbed Molina’s tummy and I comforted her.
I cooked for her and nourished her.
I tried to help her be your mommy.
I thought of you.
I imagined you.
I wished you all so well.
I couldn’t wait to meet you.
I was there on your birthday.
I watched you take your first little breaths.
I heard your first little cries.
I suctioned your airways.
I saw you suckle the first time.
I laid with you on that first night.
I listened to you nurse.
I thanked my lucky stars.
Everyone was healthy.
I was overwhelmed by the miracle of life.
That was the first time I cried for you.
Your mommy was a special girl.
It isn’t her fault she wasn’t ready.
She was setup to fail.
But I had to protect you.
You deserved a chance.
I HAD to protect you.
But I had to help her too.
It was hard to do both.
I tried to keep you together.
I tried so hard for you.
Your mommy left us.
She took a piece of my heart with her.
So did all your siblings.
I felt like a failure.
That was the second time I cried for you.
I fed you from a tiny syringe.
I held you in one hand.
You couldn’t see me. You couldn’t hear me.
But still you knew me.
I became your mom.
You became my babies.
Molina knew what to do, but I didn’t.
It was all so new to me.
I was thrust into the unknown; the uncharted.
It was up to me to keep you alive.
The weight was heavy.
I was full of self doubt.
I promised you I’d give it all I had.
I gave you all of me.
I stayed awake for days on end.
I watched over you and I worried.
I asked the universe to keep my babies safe.
I promised I’d do my part.
You started drinking from a bottle.
You started peeing on your own.
Pooping too.
You opened your eyes.
You started to walk.
And then one day –
Poof
You were mini dogs.
You have personalities.
You make me laugh.
You explode my heart with joy.
I am elated to be your mom.
We made it.
Together.
We braved the storm.
So long as I’m alive:
You will never know the people your mom knew.
You will never know evil.
You will never know hunger.
You will never know neglect.
You deserve a perfect life.
You are flawless.
You are miracles.
You taught me love.
You opened my heart.
You changed me, little babies.
You taught me who I am.
I will fight for you.
I will hope for you.
I will cry for you again.
APRIL 13, 2023
We’re the big 6 (weeks old) today!
Everyone got something special to chew. I hope they like them as much as they like my arm.
Ellen appears to have gone and gotten herself peed on. They’re sneaky little dragons.
All is well in Crazy Town. I can’t believe it’s been 6 weeks already.
APRIL 13, 2019 – POTTY TRAINING IS OFF TO A GREAT START
APRIL 14, 2019
THE PERSON IN THIS PICTURE JUST SLEPT THROUGH THE NIGHT FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE THE DAY SHE MET MOLINA!
APRIL 14, 2019
We went in for our 6 week shots and microchips today.
When we walked into the SPCA I saw some tiny puppies that looked familiar and, upon my inquiry, learned they were in fact Tig and Scout, 2 of Molina’s babies! They are so much smaller than my 3 and easily less than half the size of Lenny. I assumed I had screwed up and asked whether I was “doing it wrong,” but they said no, and that I “win.” I guess I was being “Overachiever Ani” and didn’t even know it. I just followed the feeding guidelines (religiously, completely, and to the letter .)
The babies got at least 1 syringe in every orifice except their buttholes, plus 2 needles. Lenny is such a chunker, they had to use 2 syringes for a couple of his oral meds, LMAO. I have been dreading this round of vaccines, but promised myself I would not be the one crying in Intake. The babies did enough for all of us. Broke my heart, but it seems I’m the only one with any lasting effects. They are over it and were ready to play as soon as we got home.
We had a busy weekend of visits and visitors, and the babies have another full social calendar for the coming week. They’re in such demand, I’m having to write out a schedule so I don’t forget what we are doing and when. I just don’t think I can work anymore.
I have been very lucky to get to keep my babies for all 8 weeks, and I am tremendously grateful to get to complete the job. If this had gone normally, today would be the day they split the litter and I’d have to say goodbye. The rest of the babies were separated today and re-fostered (I tried to sign up to foster 2 of them and got a resounding NO! )
From what I understand, the reason puppies are split at 6 weeks is so they get more socialization, which makes sense when there’s 11 (now 10…we love you, Phoebe) of them. I can’t imagine taking 11 babies on all the adventures I’m taking my 3 on.
Anyway, now that I know this, I’m going to do some additional research on puppy socialization to make sure I’m doing it right, and that my babies aren’t missing any opportunities. After all, I want them to have the best start possible. They seem to be doing really well so far, but what do I know?
As a side note, as I type this, my not-so-tiny dragons are all tuckered out, asleep at my feet. And at least one of them has gas.
Ahhhh. The smell of Crazy Town.
APRIL 14, 2019
New experiences? Ask and you shall receive.
While doing all the housework in my typical ADHD fashion, all the water evaporated out of the beans I was “quick soaking” on the stove, and the babies learned what burnt to hell smells like. Lenny, in particular, found it repulsive.
APRIL 15, 2019
We had a fun afternoon with some of our favorite people, Gail and Doug, and Seneca, the sweetest dog in the world. We even met a new friend who loves puppies! The babies were as cute and funny as ever, and they thought it was fun to chase a big dog!
The morning after all hell broke loose and I stayed up all night syringe feeding days-old puppies and tending to Molina, Gail, my savior, sent me a text and said she was on her way over to help me. I was so overwhelmed and tired, I didn’t even know how much I needed her, but she did. She stayed the entire day, helping me syringe feed 11 babies every 2 hours, and then babysat them while I took Molina to the vet. Heroic doesn’t even begin to describe my friend Gail. Having her here that day reassured me and brought me more comfort than I can even say. She knew I needed her and she came. Gail even took a hickey to the chin that day!
As a (tiny) token of my appreciation, I sent her home with a half gallon of pickled banana peppers (a favorite) despite the fact that her husband Doug has been in “pickle recovery” for some time. Today when I was there, the jar was almost empty. He’s hooked again.
Gail and Doug, thank you for being so good to us, for the toys and ALL the ways you have contributed to the upbringing of these beautiful babies, and for how much you support me.
Also thanks for letting me steal all these great pictures you took as I left my phone in the car.
We love you!!!
APRIL 16, 2019
Teaching the babies that they have to sit in order to get their food.
Pickles sat in the water bowl.
And to think the dude at the SPCA this weekend didn’t even crack a smile when I told him why I named them after comedians: THEY ARE TINY COMEDIANS!
APRIL 16, 2019
Big morning here at the orphanage. I awoke to ZIP – ZERO – NOT ONE poop in the playpen AND the babies went out first thing and peed and pooped outside before breakfast!
Here’s a little snippet of playtime!
APRIL 17, 2019
Michelle got it — the mom tie dyed onesies! Tonight we went to visit, love on and thank our dispatchers to celebrate Telecommunications Week and the babies wanted to look festive! The onesies are already too small to snap, so they’re shirts with tails lol.
More pics and video to follow after we eat!
APRIL 17, 2019
Great times in dispatch! I am SO proud of my babies for how confident they have become! They went up to everyone possible and loved on them and played.
I accidentally set off my car alarm when we were leaving, so the babies got experience with a new noise!
APRIL 17, 2019 – DISPATCH VIDEOS
APRIL 18, 2019
Something I’ve learned from being a foster mom is that in this great life, no matter how hard you’re trying or how much you’re doing; no matter how hard you’re working or how much you’re spending, or how much you’ve bent over backwards to do a good job, people are still going to ask more of you as though you weren’t already doing enough.
Whenever I decide to do anything, I give it all I’ve got, and I want to do the best job I can do. I always feel like I’m not doing enough.
I used to need and yearn for those outsiders’ to “see me” and validate me, but I’ve realized that doing so gave them all my power, and I almost forgot that the way I see myself is what’s important. I look at my 3 beautiful, perfect little babies and they’re all the validation I need. I’m so proud of how far we’ve come. I know in my heart I’ve given them my absolute best. I have tried harder than I’ve ever tried.
I’ve learned to just keep my eye on the prize and filter out the junk in my periphery. All that is bullshit anyway.
A big thanks to all of you who have loved me and encouraged me and cheered for me and helped me when things got really hard. You have helped me to see myself. I love and appreciate you all.
While I was building the babies’ confidence, maybe I was working on my own.
APRIL 18, 2019
Mama’s about to lose it over these TBT pictures. MELT MY HEART.
APRIL 18, 2019 – FINAL DISPATCH VISIT
APRIL 18, 2019
We had some other friends pop in to see us: Gordon from CID and Ashlie from patrol. We love them too!!
APRIL 19, 2019
Our living room right now reminds me of my childhood.
While the conventional families filled their space with chairs and couches and a TV, the Cannons filled ours with those unnecessary things AND an indoor PVC pipe jungle gym and a mini trampoline. My brother performed his made up “karate moves” on an oversized couch pillow wearing only his underwear.
We played Bear Trap in there when we were younger and held some heated leg wrestling matches when we were older. We played board games on the floor and built forts out of couch cushions. We slid down the steps in sleeping bags and Dad patched the same hole dozens of times.
My parents never had company.
Well, if the Cannon kids were puppies, this could be a snippet from our youth.
We don’t call puppies ADHD.
APRIL 20, 2019
It was a beautiful afternoon for a play date with Chance and his parents, Michelle and Adam! Chance is THE biggest ball lover and the best fetcher EVER!
By the end, Ellen was jumping all over Chance and of course I didn’t have my phone.
Great day for parents and babies alike. I my Michelle time.
APRIL 21, 2019 – ELLEN FOSTER FAIL ANNOUNCEMENT
Hewwo, hewwo!
Now that me and my sibwings are 7 weeks old and are about to gwaduate this phase of our lives, we are being pwessured to make decisions about our futures.
Both of my bedmates have already chosen their forever people, but I have been plagued by indecision. I’ve been intewested in many humans, but no one was JUST wight for me. I’ve been feewing pwetty lousy about it lately, and the mom called me a pwocrastinator. She even said something about shitting or getting off the pot.
Speaking of that mom, she’s the only human I’ve known my whole life. She was there when I was born, and she was the first human I ever smelled.
I was hoping to upgrade to a mom who was a little less “handsy” but I’ve grown fond of her style of loving me. Plus, she keeps the water bowl sparkling and has never forgotten to feed me. She takes me on lots of adventures and if I cry in the car, she will put me in her wap.
But this decision comes down to one thing and one thing only, and that is my vulva. My mom never stopped fighting to protect it. And a mom that tenacious is the mom for me. So I pick this mom. I ain’t leaving!
And the dad? Well, I picked him from the outset.
Love,
Ewwen
APRIL 25, 2019
Fun morning here in Crazy Town. The babies are interested in everything. One of our new favorite activities is to slosh all the water out of the bowl and onto the floor! Ellen is the ringleader of that.
Pickles has been fascinated by the toilet brush and toilet brush holder since he first discovered them. I said no to the brush, but damn it, a kid’s gotta play. So I just gave in. I washed the holder and let ‘em have it.
APRIL 25, 2019
We had a wonderful play date today with Minor and Shalan (and Shalan’s Dad!)
Minor was so patient and gentle with the babies, even when they were jumping on him and licking his face (Ellen!)
Minor also sent us home with some toys, and we are grateful for all the things that happened today! Thanks, Shalan! Can’t wait to have lots more play dates!
APRIL 26, 2019
We ate, we played outside, we played inside, Mom tried puppy yoga and it was a major fail.
It’s 7:21 in Crazy Town and urrybody is ready for a nap.
APRIL 26, 2019
He found his spot.
Yes, I have a custom pickle pillow my aunt made me and I love it!
APRIL 28, 2019
Yesterday was so lovely! The babies and I got up really early and drove out to Orange and spent the day on Meadows Farms Golf Course for the Rappahannock EMS Council golf tournament. It was a first for all of us!
Fortunately for everyone, I was not asked to pick up a club.
I saw people I hadn’t seen in ages and the babies had a great time greeting folks as they arrived, lazing in the grass during the tournament, and then welcoming all the golfers when they came back for lunch. They made a friend, Blue, who is a therapy dog and such a good girl!
The great thing about bringing puppies anywhere is that you become an “attraction” where all the dog lovers flock to pet the puppies and tell their stories. I got so many of them yesterday. There was a man who rescues deaf Dalmatians from being euthanized, someone who recently adopted a momma dog who had just had puppies and reportedly looks like she could be Ellen’s mom. I saw pictures of many peoples’ best friends, current and past. I heard stories of loss and grief and joy and friendship.
One of the most interesting parts of the day was talking to the owner of the golf course. What a hard working, stand up, dog loving guy. He was fascinating to listen to, but perhaps the most interesting thing I learned is that bird poops are detrimental to a perfect green. Who knew?!
Thank you, REMS and Meadows Farms, for having us and for helping me wrangle 3 puppies all day. What a delight to sit in the serenity of a beautiful piece of land on a perfect spring day and catch up. I love you all.
APRIL 28, 2019
APRIL 29, 2019 – letting go
Today the journey ended and my babies were graduated from the orphanage.
And what a journey it was! I am missing their funny presence as I reflect on one humdinger of a foster, but I am overjoyed for the babies and for their new WONDERFUL families.
It was the best of times and it was the worst of times and I’ll never be the same.
I’m sure I have more to say, but all my feelings are hitting me at once and I’ve still got to sort them out.
For now, the mom is standing down. It’s quiet in Crazy Town.
APRIL 30, 2019 – SPAY/NEUTER
I’ve been thinking of my babies today, but with gratitude versus sadness.
First and foremost, they all made it through surgery and are ready for adoption tomorrow!
I awoke this morning at 7:30— hours later than I’ve been getting up— to the quietest most boring house ever. There was no rush to get 3 puppies outside to pee and poop first thing, or breakfasts to make while they all squealed with excitement. I didn’t have to herd them into the puppy room while I showered or leap over baby gates to get there. I didn’t have to change their water or clean up puppy messes before work, and no one played “tug the legs of my jammie pants.”
I sat in a quiet living room and drank my tea and it was boring.
I keep thinking of the babies and our story. This foster was incredibly challenging, and so many of the hard parts went down in the middle of the night when I only had myself to rely on. I was so unsure of myself and sometimes overwhelmed with doubt at the beginning. But I quickly learned that if I let it consume me, everything would go to hell and the babies would die, or almost as bad – they’d survive because I had to give up. I’m not a quitter, so I put on my big girl pants and just did the best I possibly could, drowning out that insecure voice that kept saying I can’t.
We overcame so much in eight weeks and I learned what I was made of. I learned about baby dogs and how to be their mom. I learned compassion. I learned to love so deep, I forgot about myself. I saw and felt how much I am loved by so many of you. You all overwhelmed and exploded my heart with your love and care for my perfect babies and their imperfect foster mom. You came over to help and for play dates and art projects, welcomed us into your homes and yards and places of business, and even your golf tournaments. You had my back and you encouraged me when I needed it the most. The puppies brought us together and, in many cases, reconnected me with people I hadn’t seen in ages. I gained some new friendships and met a ton of awesome people, too. I have never felt more human connection than I felt in these last two months.
The other big gift I received from these babies is that for two months I had a deep sense of purpose and my life had meaning, feelings that I have been lacking but for which I’ve been searching since my vestibular system shot craps in 2015 and my entire life was upended and changed forever. I spent a lot of months out of commission; dizzy, unable to get out of bed, even more on the couch, and eventually my expectations from life reached a dangerous low. And then I decided to be a foster mom, eventually finding Molina.
So when I said goodbye yesterday, these were some of the things I was thinking about. I wasn’t just saying goodbye to 3 adorable puppies and the hilarious and joyful life we had together, but I was ending a journey that I loved and that I needed, and nothing will ever be the same. It’s over now. It’s hard to close a really great chapter. It’s hard to let go of something so perfect and so sweet and so rewarding. My babies did a lot for me and hope I did the same in return.
I will be going to bed at an all time early hour tonight because tomorrow comes faster when you’re asleep. Tomorrow my baby girl comes home and we will start writing the sentences of a brand new story. I can’t wait.
JANUARY, 2020 – MOLINA IS SURRENDERED (AGAIN)
I got word this morning that Molina is back at the SPCA. The family who adopted her had to surrender her because of landlord issues.
She was my girl and she deserves better than this. She does not belong in a shelter and thinking of her there is bringing back hard memories of the day I had to say goodbye to her in order to save her puppies.
Please, if anyone knows of someone looking for a great dog, ask them to consider meeting her. She was the sweetest and most cuddly girl when she was at our house. She bonded to me quickly, but she was just too young to me a mom. That wasn’t her fault. And what she endured before she came to me wasn’t her fault either.
Let’s get Molina out of the shelter and into a good home. If I didn’t have 2 of her babies, I wouldn’t be making this plea as she’d be living with me.
MARCH 8, 2023 – MEMORY POST, 4 YEARS LATER
Today, 4 years ago, I was changed forever.
Over the course of the night, I was thrust into the harsh reality of nature when Molina said loud and clear that she wasn’t going to be a mom any-freaking-more.
The problem was that the babies, all eleven of them, were only 5 days old and their survival was dependent upon her upholding her end of the “needs-meeting deal” several more weeks.
I’d never fed a puppy from a bottle before. I had never used syringes for food. I hadn’t had any experience getting a puppy to poop (now something I consider to be one of life’s greatest pleasures,) but suddenly those were all my jobs.
Molina needed me as much as her puppies did, so I split my time between caring for the babies on one side of the house, and caring for an anxious mama dog on the other.
A panicked Molina pawed at the door through which she watched me feed her puppies. She didn’t care that I was with her babies, just that I had left her.
I was also in extreme pain from what I now know was the root of my tooth dying a nasty, awful death. The babies’ needs more pressing, I held cold water in my mouth and kept trudging until it warmed and the pain returned. I swallowed and sipped, focused on my babies and their mom, until I had consumed so much water I was nauseated and one sip away from barfing.
I switched to ice in a tiny pouch I crafted out of Saran Wrap which I could kinda mold to the inside of my mouth. It was low-tech brilliance that afforded me a 45 minute nap with Molina panting on my chest.
I knew nothing but a few fundamentals as I took over for Molina with a of zeal ignorance. We made it through the longest night of my life. Eleven little babies, every one of them idiosyncratic, and the oncoming mom still absolutely clueless, but no longer blind.
I celebrate the babies who taught me the weight of worry and how to carry it. And I give my thanks to you — all of you who carried me when I was suddenly the mom of 11 neonates. And for anyone who might have joined us after this monumental event, now you know the story of my first bottle babies.
Thank you for loving us and supporting this journey I never imagined would be so intense, so powerful, so life-changing, rewarding; connecting.
Love from Crazy Town.
APRIL 30, 2023 – ANOTHER MEMORY POST – 4 YEARS LATER
Eleven neonates became my full responsibility in the blink of an eye.
I’d only had a handful of fosters under my belt before I met Molina. She was needy from the outset and my presence comforted her. We slept together in the whelping box. I spoiled her with nourishment. We were friends before she went into labor.
I had prepared for every medical complication during delivery and afterward, for the babies as well as their mom. I had suction ready and learned basic resuscitation for newborn puppies. I was prepared to do CPR on a tiny baby dog if I had to.
I had iodine at the ready, surgical scissors sterilized, unwaxed floss in lieu of cord clamps. Warming measures.
Eleven babies were born perfectly healthy and Molina knew what to do. My services were not needed. I stood down, watching in awe as this new mom tended to every one of the babies she delivered with meticulous care.
And on day 5, when she’d had enough, I was not prepared to take her place, but I had no choice. I did it.
I will never be the same. And thank goodness for that.